I asked: "What do you want me to make?"
Pseudochef's answer "I don't know... something 'fancy'."
"OK... such as...?"
He shrugs. "Something I can't get anywhere else. I can get brownies and cake at Walmart"
|Black Cocoa Brownie|
I flinch because my stuff doesn't really taste like it came from Walmart or a Sysco freezer truck. I know exactly what goes into it. I use the best stuff I can get my hands on (AKA the best stuff I can talk the powers that be into buying).
That kind of hurt. I mean, I'm not a pastry diva. I know there are others out there who make better, nicer looking stuff... but my stuff wouldn't be found on the shelf of a Megamart!
I've made tartelette de fruits, several varieties of very lovely cheesecakes, and creme brulee. Just to name some things from the top of my head, but none of this is good enough.
So I pose the question again:
"What do you want me to make?"
Pseudochef's answer "I don't know... something 'fancy'.... something French!"
Hmm... well ok... that clears it up! Then, he decides he's going to "show me" how to make something fancy.... Dear LORD in heaven, Help me! (No, I am not using my Lord's name in vain... that was an honest prayer/cry for help)
He proceeds his lesson, I ask him "What are you making?" and he says "Mango Custard."
I must tell you there were no mangoes in the building. While he's "teaching" me, I go about my business and manage to make my Creme Brulee and 2 cakes.... He starts out with 10 "Mango Custards".... Then he places them in a bain marie.... a very full one.... On top of the stove and starts to boil the hell out of it.... I go to clean up my station, and he's started to make meringue.... 10 egg whites, 4,5,6? cups of sugar? We don't know cuz Pseudo doesn't measure.... (Another prayer....) I look in my mixer and see nice grainy egg whites that have been beat to hell......
"Do you know what's wrong with my meringue? Can you fix it?" Pseudo asks....
"I thought you were supposed to be teaching me?"
I decide it's time to call it quits. I'm going home before I stick someone with my chef knife.... I finish cleaning my station and his mess.... oh, and now there's only 3 "Mango Custards" boiling away on the stove....